The Double Threat: Overcoming Jealousy with Your Bisexual Partner
Jealousy and insecurity can occur in any relationship, but they may occur more frequently in a relationship where a partner is not single. According to Richards, this paranoia is usually the product of bisexuality, or the deep-rooted assumption that bisexuals have more promiscuous relationships than monosexuals, which is just one of many myths related to bisexuality. “There’s a point of view that non-monogamous people don’t have any boundaries,” Richards said. “It seems terrible to your partner – there’s a feeling that you can’t trust people without limits, and jealousy comes naturally from it.”
The same feeling of jealousy and inadequacy also encourages a single partner’s attitude toward double obliteration. For example, if a man who has a relationship with a woman becomes bisexual, his heterosexual female partner may suggest that he be gay in order to reduce perceived threats and relieve himself of responsibility or sense of failure. Logically, if he only likes men, then female partners can’t prevent male partners from opening or leaving relationships to explore relationships with other men.
Ideally, a bisexual partner will reveal his or her identity from the very beginning. But many people may feel insecure, and they may not appear bisexual or even realize that they may be bisexual until they enter a heterosexual relationship. “When studying bisexuality, women usually have more space to explore, especially when they are in close relationships with men,” Richards said. But when a male partner implies that he may also like men, many women fear the fact that there is a group of people who can offer their partner something they can’t provide – literally, anatomically. “The same applies to same-sex couples, where one partner can express interest in a man.
Monosexual Partners: Practice Compassionate Curiosity
When jealousy or bi-related anxiety arises, Richards suggests an open and honest dialogue. “Single couples should examine their deep-rooted assumptions about bisexuality and try to turn them into problems,” Richards said. “Avoid minimization, avoid inefficiency, and most importantly, avoid inserting your partner into another identity.”
Richards also suggests that monogamous couples engage in conversations on topics other than relationships, either with mental health providers or with people who may experience similar events. Bisexual partners are the only source of education that may be overwhelming, and there are other ways for monogamous people to learn about bisexuality. Most importantly, it’s important to practice compassionate curiosity with their bisexual partners – they don’t attack or judge, but simply ask about their partner’s identity.
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